Food/Hospitality

From a young age I worked in restaurants to support my artistic habit. Eventually it turned into a career.  There is a lot to say about the role that restaurants play in our culture and I look forward to exploring the topic further.

Let’s Split It

8 year-olds are better at math than you—8 year-olds, dude.  Do not even attempt to deny it.  They understand simple percentages, like 20.  You do not, or that is what your tip would lead me to conclude.  Every time a large group of diners get out their cards and cash and throw them in the check presenter, I roll my eyes knowing that, in all likelihood, my tip just got much smaller.

I am not here to shame people who don’t know how to tip.  Regrettably, they exist and will always exist.  I am addressing you because I know you do not want to be resented or judged by the staff of your favorite restaurant.  But when you are out with a group of friends or coworkers and split payment between cash and cards, more often than not, you are not tipping what you intend because you are careless, lazy, or both.

First, let’s take a look at how this happens, and for the sake of this exercise, let’s assume the guests intend to tip 20 percent.  Start with a bill for 300 dollars (it’s a nice place, after all) to be split between four patrons; two paying with cards, two with cash.  The two who pay with cash do some arithmetic and determine that 90 dollars each will cover their portion of the bill and a 20 percent tip (in this world there is no sales tax, of course). 

The guests instruct the server to split the remaining portion of the bill between the two cards so each card is authorized for 60 dollars after 180 dollars cash payment is accounted for.  Each guest then adds a 20 percent tip of 12 dollars.  The bill has been paid.  Everyone had a wonderful meal.  Time to go home.  Are you still with me?

The guests paying with cash believe that they each left 20 percent tips.  The guests paying with credit cards also left 20 percent tips each on their portion of the bill.  But because the cash was applied to the balance of the bill, the party left a total tip of 24 dollars.  An 8 year-old will probably be able to figure out that their tip equals 8 percent.  The diners, however, are oblivious to that fact and leave the restaurant oblivious to the angry stares following them out the door.

Now, incredulous diner, you are certain that this could not happen to you and you are indignant that I would propose that this is commonplace.  The scenario presented above is so simplistic and obvious that my accusation is almost insulting—I know.  But I guarantee that, unless you have checked not only your math, but the math of your entire party, every time you have ever gone out to eat, you have absolutely done this.  I see it almost every night and any server or bartender anywhere will confirm my assertion.  You would be correct to assume that servers have dreamed up different approaches to ‘remind’ their guests of the tip, but they can only go so far.  At the end of the day, if there is not an individual willing to check that the party is leaving the intended total tip, the inevitable is likely to happen.

Thankfully, the remedy is simple: just don’t do it.  Duh.  Avoid the circumstances that cause this to happen in the first place.  Either split the balance of the check between credit cards or pay the total with cash.  Just don’t mix forms of tender because we, as a restaurant going public, are not smart enough to handle it.  ‘What do I do if someone insists on using cash?’  Take their cash and add their portion of the payment to your card.  You have just saved a trip to the ATM, and made the math easier for everyone.  “I am dining with my boss and not even paying the bill.” Consider the notion that it shows meddle in any situation to speak up for the person who has overseen a lovely meal for you and your party.  Your boss will respect your selfless attitude and ability to take control of the situation.  You will most likely be promoted shortly after this meal.

There will always be someone or something that will make settling large group bills confusing.  Complexity is in the very nature of groups.  As an individual, your only responsibility is to make sure someone in the party verifies the total bill plus tip is correct—every time.  Now, good luck getting a reservation for your 8-top on a Friday night.

Why Your Local Restaurant Hates Yelp

As it has in pretty much every aspect of our existence—ever—the internet has irrevocably changed the restaurant industry—or should I say the #restaurantindustry.  From the way we order take out to the way we make reservations, software and apps surrounding the restaurant industry have created efficiencies in every corner of operations.  However, social networking and peer review sites as they pertain to restaurants have always been an unregulated, non-curated forum for gossip, misinformation, and bullshit—that is to say, a wasteland where the opinions of idiots rule over those of professional reviewers and the thoughtful dining public.

I am not trying to put up a velvet rope and assert that only reviewers of a certain pedigree should be able to judge restaurants. Quite the opposite, I believe that everyone should be able to share their opinion about any restaurant they choose to support. But I also believe that when you strip that opinion of its subjectivity, which is what happens when a diner assigns a star rating to a restaurant, you validate it as fact rather than what it truly is: an opinion.

Take this hypothetical example: A guy walks into a bar, has some dinner and drinks.  Then a few more drinks. Then a few more.  At some point in the haze, the bartender cuts him off.  Offended, he offers a few choice expletives and begrudgingly settles his bill (no tip, thank you). A day later, he gets a form email asking about his experience.  Still fuming about his public shaming, he composes one of those beautiful, “I would give no stars if I could!” reviews. In my mind, he is an asshole, plain and simple. But not only does his one-star review bring the average review score for this restaurant down considerably, it is weighted equally to all the considerate reviews received by the restaurant. And the kicker: no one reading the review knows the backstory about why this guy is so pissed at his experience.

Walk down any city street and you will doubtless encounter several people of questionable sanity.  Now consider those people eating—ew.  Now give them a big, shiny, and loud bullhorn with which to share their ideas on food, culinary culture, service at restaurants, and ambiance.  That is pretty much where I am coming from. 

I am as entertained as the next person by the rants I read on Yelp, but the fact that they affect the desirability of a restaurant is scary. And no Yelp review or Yelp reviewer is vetted in any way.  While a savvy “Yelper” can look at another user’s reviews to get a sense of who they are and how they review, who has time to do anything but look at a restaurant’s overall star rating?

As it stands, restaurants are constantly on the defensive. Every diner that comes through the door is a potentially good or bad review—and that is not all bad.  The staff at a restaurant must strive for high quality because they always feel watched. In that way, the threat of a bad review safeguards the dining public. But when forming negative opinions, there should be a filter to protect restaurants from unfounded, unfair negativity. 

A restaurant reviewer will often visit a restaurant several times—on different days with different sized parties—to get a thorough sense of how the business operates. They taste through the menu and have a deep understanding and appreciation for the style of food offered. So a reviewer's negative opinion of a restaurant is at least based on something. That is not to say reviewers are not also biased, just ask Guy Fieri, but at the very least, thoughtful consideration rather than knee-jerk libel lies at the heart of a proper review.

No restaurant should be immune to criticism and everyone who dines out is entitled to their opinion on the food, service, and ambiance of a place. But that does not mean that all opinions should be weighted similarly.  The internet is a wonderful force for democratization but in the realm of restaurant reviews, I prefer a more authoritarian approach.